Is Revenge the Answer?How to deprogram it?

Disclaimer: Kindly go through the reading guide before proceeding ahead

So most of us must have been wronged by some person at some time or other in our life, be it by a known or unknown person.

So what do we do in such a situation?

We REVENGE

(This is the first thing which comes to the mind of most people)

  • But Is revenge the most optimum solution?
  • Will it heal the hurt you faced? (We will look at this at later part of this post)

NO, I never Revenge! Think so? Then take the test to find out –

Test

Wanna check how deep is the programming of revenge embedded in your psyche?

Then Answer this: What is the first thing you did when someone pointed out your mistake last time?

Did you accepted it & worked on it or countered the person by pointing out his mistake.

If the answer is acceptance and correction of your mistake then this programming is weak else its strong. Wanna know how to deprogram it? Then read on

Well, let us find out –

For this first, we will have to understand how revenge was programmed into us aka its ORIGIN.
Well, it began when we were learning how to walk.

Recall when you were learning to walk for the first time and fell and cried, what did people surrounding you do??? (think)

They must have kicked the ground or cursed it. Didn’t they? aka they took revenge

(For some people who might have not experienced this situation, try to recollect the first time you were hurt due to external circumstances)
In the above case did kicking/cursing the ground extinguished the pain you experienced or provided temporary psychological relief? (Think about it)

This programming of revenge deepened
When we watched the Movies/tv series: We often associate ourselves with the protagonist. Don’t we? There’s often an underlying theme in movies & tv series, the protagonist got hurt in some or the other way and then took revenge. He avenged the hurt.
But did hurting others heal the hurt he experienced?Fill the void left due to loss of loved ones? (Think about it)

Now let us undergo a Live Experiment:(You will have to answer the following questions in your mind & then proceed.The most important part of this experiment is YOU. )

Imagine –

RevengeYour finger experienced a small cut from a Knife. What will you do next???

Umm

  1. Cut the knife or
  2. Heal yourself by applying first aid? (Think)

Probably 99% may choose option 2

Arre But why not option 1 why not take revenge with the knife and avenge your finger?

Revenge or notNow

Let us think about the knife

Which part of the knife hurts you 1/2/3?

Probably 1 or 3? Right. What’s common about these?

Answer: It’s already cut.

Can part 2 ever cut your finger?

Answer: No, But Why?

because it isn’t cut

Obviously, part 2 can never cut your finger so what is the point of this experiment?

Well, my friend, people are like a knife,

Only those who have been cut before can cut others.

So whenever someone hurts you try to understand their hurt also.

Don’t go about revenging with them as it will create a compounding effect and then hurt of both of you will increase.

What will sympathising with others hurt do?

It will protect you from developing any bias towards them as well as help them heal.

But if someone hurts me, again and again, what should I do?

  • First, try to heal the person –

{How to Heal} Talk to them, discuss with them why they do what they do and tell them that it hurts you and find the solution. (or any other means to heal them)

  • If you have tried everything and still the person is hurting you.

Avoid him/her for the peace of your mind. Shouldn’t one avoid the knife which hurts one again and again or not?

Do you think if there’s any need to revenge now? Did we need to cut the knife?

Probably NO

However

What to do if the person is someone who hurts everyone intentionally? ie. The person is a gone case and all hope of restoring sanity in him is lost?

You need to think of a solution which will disable him forever from hurting others. The solution should be such that no matter how hard the person tries he cannot hurt anyone.

What can the Solution be?

Let us consider the case of the knife, will blunting it solve the problem forever or keeping it locked away for some time?

Eg – In case of those who molest women repeatedly will locking them away for sometime ensure they don’t repeat it again or blunting their knife will?

(Think)

Note: In the above example if someone has been misguided and did it unintentionally then the best solution may be to separate him from others and (The most important part) deprogram the crappy programming from him.

This example may raise a few questions in the minds of some people –

Why do the people who molest women molest them? How were they programmed for it?& what is the solution?

Well, let’s look at this issue at a later date.

Ending Notes: We have discovered how to deal with revenge from now on but what of the previous situations in which this feeling rose? How will the programming of revenge be removed from its roots, so that it never occurs again?

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Well, my friend, the way is understanding. You will have to understand everyone is involved in a unique situation. You will have to understand their perspective(my post on perspective). Deprogramming years of programming is neither a 1-second process nor one which takes years. How much time it will take for you depends on you. I have shown you the path, but to walk on it or not & at what space is up to you.

{ Important note: While deprogramming never look down upon or hate the feelings of revenge, ie. don’t develop any bias towards it, whenever it arises, observe it, find the cause of it and understand it, else you might not be able to deprogram it completely}

So do you wanna deprogram revenge? (Amen/No)

” It’s not about hurting,forgiving or forgeting those who hurt you

Its about healing yourself “

Regards

Anmol

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